Richard's Guide to the Gatekeepers
by PokeSpeBanette
Summary: How to deal with the insanity known as the Gatekeepers, according to Richard.
1. 1-10

Renny: I sort of got this idea from a fic called . . . uhhh . . . _Things Not To Do With The Gatekeepers_? Something along those lines. It has numbers and rules, anyway. This guide thing is based off that anyway.

Matt: Most of these are crack, but there are several serious ones- well, depending on how your interpretation of serious is, anyway.

Renny: Aww I wanted to say that! Meh nevermind, do the disclaimer.

Matt: Renny doesn't own the _Power of Five_.

Renny: On with the show!

 **OOOOOO**

1- Never let any of them play _Slenderman_

 _ **Matt**_

"YOU BROKE THE FUCKING COMPUTER."

"Matt what the hell!"

"I said sorry like ten times!"

" _That's not the point_."

"He came out of nowhere, it freaked me out!"

"Clearly."

 _ **Pedro**_

"MÁTALO CON FUEGO!"

"Uh . . . there isn't any fire in the game, Pedro."

" . . . Why."

"That's a good question, actually. Why _is_ there no fire? Why don't we even have a _weapon_?"

"I dunno, ask the dude who made it."

 _ **Scott**_

"Damn, he's good at this."

"Five pages already, dude, you're way better than Matt!"

"Shut up, Scarlett!"

"There's another page! Wooo!"

"Hey I might actually win this- oh wait, fuck, no. I died."

"How can you be so _fucking calm_."

"We don't all break computers when we get freaked out."

 _ **Scarlett**_

 _Sizzle._

" . . ."

" . . ."

"Matt, your reaction is officially not the worst."

"Thanks. I think."

"Well FUCK YOU!"

 _ **Jamie**_

"Shit gets real intense when you get like four pages in."

"Why is he referencing _11 Drunk Guys_?"

"I don't know."

" . . ."

" . . . Shit, he's actually good at this- Scott, are you giving him directions?"

"No."

"There's no page, THERE'S NO FUCKING PAGE, I can't find a page!"

"Wait what-"

"I just saw Slenderman and there's no page _I'm so screwed_!"

"No you're no- AAAAAAH!"

"AAAAAAAH-"

"AAAAAAHAHAAAA!"

2- Or start a YouTube account and post the video online

"You're damn lucky most people think Matt and Scarlett's powers are Photoshopped or something!" Richard snapped.

The two kids in question shrank away from the glares they recieved. It wasn't exactly their fault that their powers were destructive.

"Sorry." Scarlett and Matt muttered.

"And what the hell were you doing playing _Slenderman_ anyway? That game's enough to give anyone nightmares." Richard said.

" . . . We saw videos online and wanted to do the same thing." It was Scott who spoke this time.

Richard sighed and put his head in his hands. "Just . . . don't post anymore videos."

Three days later he found that the YouTube account called Gatekeepers had a new video of Matt blowing up the cooker.

Without touching it.

3- Make sure, before breakfast every morning, to find who took Pedro's Spanish-English dictionary this time

Richard glared at the four Gatekeepers.

They glared back.

" . . . Who took it this time?" the man eventually asked.

Matt pointed at Scott, Jamie pointed at Matt, Scarlett pointed at Jamie, and Scott pointed at Matt.

Richard raised an eyebrow at Matt.

" . . . Oh my god, fine." Matt said. He pulled the dictionary out of his pocket and gave it to Richard.

4- Give the dictionary back to Pedro, ignore Scott and/or Jamie if they try to mind control you into hiding it again

 _Hide it . . ._

 _Hide it . . ._

 _Hide it-_

"Shut up, Jamie."

 _HIDE IT._

" _Jamie stop it_."

 _Hiiiideee iiiitttt . . ._

"Don't even start, Scott."

5- When Matt asks for another pet, tell him NO as many times as you can, even if he busts out the 'Puppy-eyed Matt' look (it's very hard to resist and can only be resisted with practise)

"Pleeaase?" Matt begged.

"No means no, Matt."

"But-"

"No."

"Please-"

"We already have two cats, we don't need another one!" Richard snapped.

"BUT THIS KITTEN IS CALLING TO ME."

"I couldn't care less if it was doing the fucking macarena, no!"

Matt _looked_ at him. Richard folded his arms.

On the other side of the living room, the other four Gatekeepers were once again in awe of Richard's ability to resist Matt's Puppy-eyed look. Even Scott hadn't managed that yet.

6- If Scarlett's ever pissed off, for whatever reason, keep her _away_ from any and all electrical appliances

"That twat I'll fucking rip his face off with a damn cyclone or something I swear to god-"

Richard carefully started pulling Scarlett into the garden.

7- Tell the twins to stop practising their telepathy on Pedro

Richard came across Scott and Jamie sitting on the sofa with their eyes closed. He stared for a grand total of one second before he smacked both of them on the head.

"OWWW what was that for!?" Jamie yelled.

"Pedro's currently doing the chicken dance in the bathroom. While Matt's using the bath." Richard told them. "He's freaking out. Stop it."

"Ruin our fun why don't you." Scott muttered.

8- And Matt, because things _will_ blow up if they scare or piss him off

"VOICES."

Richard accidently flung his coffee into the air.

Everyone- sans Scott and Jamie, who smirked- gaped at Matt in confusion.

"I hear voices!" Matt cried, gripping his head. "So many voices . . . they won't shut up!"

Richard's attention turned to the twins, who shrugged.

"We're not doing anything." they said.

And then the fridge blew up.

"Will you two stop putting voices in his head!" Richard bellowed, half an hour later.

"Sorry we're not sorry."

9- Never play a card game with the twins

"Fives?" Jamie asked.

Pedro and Richard- who had two and one five respectively- put their cards on the table reluctantly. Jamie grinned and snatched them up.

"Twos?" Scott asked a few minutes later.

Scarlett and Pedro put down their cards. Pedro, at this point, had no cards left and wasn't looking too happy.

Matt had lost ages ago, and had resorted to watching everyone lose to the twins.

10- Never play Scarlett's version of _Twister_

Let it be said that Richard would never, _ever_ , take Jamie's advice again.

Scarlett had been sad that no one would play _Twister_ with her, so Jamie had suggested that Richard have a go at it.

Looking back, it had probably been a bad sign when Matt and Pedro adopted equally terrified looks, and Scott had started smirking.

"Hold still, I can't hit you when you're running!" Scarlett shouted.

"YOU ACTUALLY EXPECT ME TO STOP AND WAIT FOR THE TWISTER TO CATCH UP?" Richard screeched.

 **OOOOOO**

Renny: So basically there's gonna be ten of each in a single chapter, and there's gonna be fifty rules in total. But if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to speak up, cus I'm all for making more rules!

Matt: Oh god.

Renny: Shush you. Read and review!


	2. 11-20

Renny: Yo what's up everyone! This chapter gets into some actual serious-ish stuff, and there's a slight warning here for . . . well, Matt's panic attacks, but that's about it I think.

Matt: *checks Rulebook* There's also another couple of serious things, but I won't say anything because spoilers.

Renny: Good point. Disclaimer!

Matt: Renny doesn't own _Po5_.

Renny: On with the show!

 **OOOOOO**

11- If you have a movie night, make a rota so they don't argue over whose turn it is to pick a movie

"You picked last week!" Pedro cried. "It's my turn!"

"No way, every time you pick a movie it's a shit one!" Jamie snapped back.

"Just because you don't like Disney-"

"I wouldn't mind if it was one of the modern ones, but no, you keep picking that stupid _Lion King_!" Jamie shouted.

He yelped as he was suddenly in the air, dangling by his foot- except no one was touching him.

Matt glared at Jamie and crossed his arms, silently daring him to say another word against the _Lion King_.

"Stop fighting." Richard sighed, getting out the rota he'd made. "Besides, it's Scarlett's turn, not Pedro's."

All four of the boys started fearfully protesting immediately. Scarlett just grinned evilly.

12- During movie night, make sure no one picks any movies that sort of relate to any of their pasts, this tends to end violently or in tears/screaming

"It's okay Scott, we know it wasn't your fault, it's alright . . ." Jamie murmured, rubbing his twin's back.

"I'm a _horrible_ human being!" Scott was wailing.

"Okay, whose idea was it to watch _Thor_?" Richard asked.

Scarlett and Pedro pointed at Matt.

"Sorry." he squeaked.

13- Make sure you don't accidently burn anything, this sets off Matt's visions and most of the time sets him off into a massive panic

This was a rule _no one_ wanted to break- but sometimes it wasn't really possible to avoid it. Toast burnt so easily, and it wasn't like the cooker didn't sometimes make things extra crispy by accident.

So when Scarlett accidently burnt her toast one morning, everyone froze.

Three seconds of silence went by.

Richard was just about to let go of the breath he'd been holding when Matt whimpered, and then the screaming started.

Sometimes he wondered what Matt saw that made him scream so much.

14- The only way to calm Matt down is by hugging him and pulling him onto the sofa or something

Richard acted quickly. From the first time this had happened in his presence, he'd somehow known what to do, and maybe that was his 'instincts' as a not-brother to Matt kicking in.

He took Matt out of the kitchen, just barely holding onto him because the boy wouldn't keep still and kept hitting Richard, and settled them both on the sofa. Richard hugged Matt to his chest and rocked him back and forth, murmuring soothing words and occasionally humming a song from _Lion King_.

Even if Jamie complained about having to watch the film (and its' sequels) for the millionth time that month, Richard knew he was glad the songs helped calm Matt down.

Eventually the others joined them, Scott and Jamie on either side of Richard and Scarlett and Pedro sitting on foot stools in front of him. By the time Matt had calmed down enough to loosen his iron grip on Richard's shirt, they were all anxiously waiting.

His eyes were still blank with terror, and Richard got the feeling that he was seeing only what the vision had shown him. But Matt still acknowledged their presence and everyone felt a small pull on their hands, like a child gripping his mother's hand for comfort when he was scared.

15- Pedro will steal anything expensive for a joke, so make sure you get the stolen items back as soon as possible and accept no excuses or 'I didn't do it's

"Alright, where is it?"

"Where is what?" Pedro asked innocently.

Richard knew better. "My _watch_." he snapped. "Where is it, Pedro?"

"I didn't take it."

"How do you know it was taken?"

" . . . I guessed?"

Richard folded his arms.

"I just wanted to know what time it was!" Pedro eventually cried.

The man silently pointed to the clock on the living room wall. Pedro sighed and gave him back the watch.

Good thing too, that was an expensive one. Richard would hate to lose it so soon after buying it.

16- DO NOT LET JAMIE ANYWHERE NEAR THE PERIODIC TABLE

"Flourine uranium carbon potassium uranium!" Jamie yelled.

Scott started laughing and Scarlett buried her head in her hands. Pedro just stared at Jamie blankly.

Matt turned to Richard. "What's he on about?" he asked.

"Never you mind." Richard growled, glaring at Jamie. "Just don't repeat it."

"Flourine uranium carbon potassium uranium bismuth technetium hydrogen." Jamie grinned.

"You're lucky Matt and Pedro have no idea what you're on about, or you'd be lying in a ditch somewhere." Richard said. "I hope you don't do that at school."

Jamie just gave him a weird, demonic giggle.

17- Don't tell Matt he can't ride horses, he will try and prove you wrong

That was the last time Richard ever answered a weird question like "where's the nearest horse stables".

The good news was that the police stopped Matt before he could figure out how to ride the jumpers.

18- Sometimes they have really bad nightmares, so if they come into your room in the middle of the night, just let them get in bed with you

Richard wasn't sure when it started.

Maybe it was Matt, who was used to being with Richard anyway.

It could have been Pedro, who had slept next to warm bodies during hard times.

Maybe it was the twins, who both suffered horrors they couldn't begin to describe.

Or it could have been Scarlett, who sometimes needed to be afraid.

But at some point or other, they'd all eventually come to him in the middle of the night. He let them into in his bed because it was the only thing that seemed to help them sleep.

19- Don't be too shocked if you wake up with all five of them in your bed

Normally it was Pedro who woke up first, but sometimes Richard beat him to it.

He woke up quietly, aware of the kids around him. Scott and Jamie were curled around each other to his left, next to the wall, Pedro was lying on his legs for some reason, Scarlett was sprawled out on Richard's other side.

Matt was curled up on Richard's chest and all five of them were sleeping soundly.

He smiled and went back to sleep. Morning could wait for another hour or two.

20- Scott is literally the only one who can cook, so let him do the cooking in the house

"Baconbaconbaconbacon!" Jamie shouted.

"No, anything but bacon!" Scarlett wailed.

"You can just sit there and be hungry then!"

"FUCK YOU I WANT EGGS."

"Why can't we just have bacon _and_ eggs?" Matt asked.

"Shut up, Matt." Scarlett and Jamie snapped without looking away from each other.

"How did this start again?" Pedro wondered.

"Jamie told Scott to cook bacon but Scarlett doesn't like pig meat so this was the result." Richard told him.

Scott was just smiling to himself, making all their preferred breakfasts even though he didn't have to.

 **OOOOOO**

Renny: Yeah, sometimes Scott isn't a total dick. Also I now somehow have this headcanon that the smell of burning sets off visions for Matt, and sometimes those visions send him into a huge panic attack that only Richard can calm him down from.

Matt: That's actually not a bad headcanon. Shows brother . . . ship . . . hood . . . whatever it is between me and Richard.

Renny: Yep! And also kudos to anyone who guesses what Jamie said in number 16. Read and review!


	3. 21-30

Renny: Yay, the third one! We're now on rules twenty-one through to thirty. Aaand I just realised that the last chapter's only gonna have nine rules in it, not ten.

Matt: Oh, well, looks like I'm not the only one who can't count.

Renny: I failed Maths at school, what was your first clue?

Matt: . . . I honestly don't have a response to that.

Renny: Good because otherwise you'd be lying in a ditch. Disclaimer!

Matt: Renny doesn't own _Po5_.

Renny: On with the show!

 **OOOOOO**

21- Jamie's 'good ideas' are usually bad ones

His first 'good idea' had been to try riding the llamas that Professor Joanna Chambers kept in Nazca. That didn't go well for anyone except for Matt, who was already besties with the entire damn herd and regularly rode them anyway. No one was sure why. Matt just laughed when he was asked about it.

Jamie's second 'good idea' involved Pedro's slingshot and the mud-bombs that he and his twin made. They fired them at random people in town and within half an hour, Professor Chambers and Richard had recieved a call that went something along the lines of "get these kids out of my fucking sight or else".

His third one had been to try and convince Matt that the word 'cat' was spelt as 'katt', so he ended up failing just about half his special needs classes (because apparently 'cat' was a popular word for spelling tests).

Jamie's fourth was too dumb to even say, but it ended with a pissed-off Scarlett and Jamie in the hospital.

The lesson here?

Jamie's 'good ideas' were generally terribly, horrifically, _bad ideas_.

And still he persisted.

22- So are his puns

"I gotta hand it to him, he really went out on a limb with that last episode."

Everyone in the room groaned. Even Scott was getting annoyed at this point.

"The show must have cost this dude an arm and a leg!" Jamie went on relentlessly.

"Jamie. Stop. You're killing us." Scarlett moaned.

23- If Jamie's being good and quiet, he's done something

"What did you do now." Richard demanded.

"Nothing, why?" Jamie smiled innocently.

"You're being good. You're _never_ good. Unless you've done something."

"I haven't done anything."

Richard nodded suspiciously. He walked out of the room.

Jamie grinned to himself. "Yet." he muttered.

24- It's probably a prank

"FUCKING CUNT WANKER!"

The shout echoed throughout the entire house, startling everyone.

Seconds later, Scarlett burst through the kitchen door and glared at Jamie with the full force of the biggest storm she'd ever thought of making. Which was pretty huge, considering her temper.

She was covered, head-to-toe, in honey. And feathers. Plus several sparkly beads.

"You." she hissed, pointing at Jamie. "You are so. Fucking. _Dead_."

"What'd I do?" Jamie asked.

"What'd you do? _What'd you fucking do_!?" Scarlett practically shrieked. "YOU CAN SEE WHAT YOU DID, YOU ASSWHIPE. YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS."

Scarlett stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

" . . . What was that?" Pedro asked faintly, several seconds later.

"That," Jamie grinned. "Was the greatest reaction to the classic 'feather and honey' prank in the history of reactions to the classic 'feather and honey' prank."

"Plus a lot of beads." Richard observed. "She's gonna tear you a new one. And then tear your new one a new one. And then kill you. Slowly."

25- That Matt helped out with

"Totally worth it." Matt spoke up. He bumped fists with Jamie.

Richard could be forgiven for gaping.

"Nice." Scott nodded. "I'm impressed you two actually managed it."

"How did you know- you know what? One day I'll stop asking stupid questions." Richard sighed. "You're all gonna die a slow and painful death."

"Like Matt said, worth it." Jamie shrugged.

26- Try to discourage any and all pranks created by Jamie and/or Matt

"Okay, how many of these have you three posted?" Richard demanded.

The YouTube account Gatekeepers was currently swimming in videos of Jamie and Matt's pranks, some of which Scott helped out with.

"Ummm it's in the low hundreds, we think." Jamie hummed.

Richard put his head in his hands.

"You gotta admit, these're pretty hilarious." Scott shrugged.

"Yeah, and Scarlett has the best reactions!" Jamie grinned.

"That's it- I'm putting a limit on the number of pranks you do. One every two weeks." Richard said eventually, lifting his head to glare at them.

"But _Richard_!"

" _What_!?"

"NO!"

"It's your own fault!" Richard snapped over them. "You're lucky I didn't ban them completely."

And that was only because, if he _had_ banned pranks completely, they would have just kept going on as if he hadn't done anything. Only their pranks would be more focused on him rather than Scarlett.

27- Avoid giving Sex Ed to Matt and Pedro, and if the others try and give it to them instead, stop them immediately

Richard didn't want to be the one who broke them. Matt was still under the impression that babies were carried in by a stork, and Pedro had adopted that belief soon after meeting Matt.

Unfortuntely, Scott, Jamie and Scarlett didn't share his views.

"No!" he called, rushing into the room just as Scarlett began their 'lesson'.

"Oh come on, someone has to tell them eventually!" she cried.

"Dude, they're both fifteen, they should know this shit." Scott added.

"Yeah well, I'd prefer it if they don't get broken. Wait for a few more years." Richard snapped.

"Then they'd just get even more broken!" Jamie shot back.

Matt and Pedro just watched the entire scene in confusion. Why was everyone making such a big deal about the stork?

28- Ice cream is the best way to bribe them into doing what you want

"Just go and get some fucking potatoes!" Richard snapped.

"No!" Pedro cried. "I don't want to!"

"For the love of- look, how about this? I'll give you some extra to buy ice cream."

"Give me the money."

That never failed.

29- Although telling Matt you'll buy him some more manga also works

"Okay, which volume was it you wanted?" Richard asked, moving aside some of the comics ("Manga, dammit, it's called _manga_!") to find the right one.

Matt, who was too small to reach the top shelf, crossed his arms and glared up at Richard. "Fifteen, I've told you like ten times already." he said scornfully.

"Yes, so you have . . ." Richard muttered.

He grabbed the right one, but just to be safe, Richard showed it to Matt. He'd only make the mistake of not showing it to him once.

Matt nodded after inspecting the cover and Richard went over to the counter, where the Waterstones employee was watching the two of them with an amused smirk on his face.

"Don't even think about it." Richard told the man.

"Wasn't gonna say anything." the man laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. He took Richard's money and started counting out the change. "I just think it's funny how a fifteen year old can blackmail a grown man."

"It was a _bribe_ , there's a _difference_." Richard snapped.

"Sure." the man said. He gaved Richard back the comic- manga, sorry- and smirked wider. "You like _SNK_ , kid?"

"Best manga and anime on the _planet_." Matt answered with a grin.

"Yeah? Have a look at _Death Note_ -"

"We're leaving now." Richard broke in.

He turned and dragged Matt away, but not before he caught the familiar look on his younger friend's face.

Oh god, he was gonna have to bribe Matt with this _Death Note_ thing now. This was exactly how the _Attack on Titan_ thing started.

30- The twins sometimes have conversations with each other in the middle of conversations with other people

"But _How To Train Your Dragon_ is a good movie!" Pedro cried.

"We've watched it like fifty times!" Jamie shot back. "That's just as bad as _Lio_ -" Matt looked at him. "-I'm not finishing that sentence."

"Good choice." Matt congratulated him.

"Well, we're not gonna watch a horror movie again." Richard said from one of the two armchairs. "Those give all of you nightmares."

"Yeah, whose idea was it to watch all the _Saw_ movies, anyway?" Jamie asked.

Everyone pointed at Scarlett.

"You no longer have movie privileges." Jamie told her.

"You can't decide that."

"Just fucking did."

"Jamie." Scott said.

Jamie looked at him. Scott looked back.

"Do we even have that one?" Jamie wondered suddenly.

"Probably not."

"Well what about if we try-"

"No, don't think we have that one either-"

"How about-"

"-nope."

"Ugh."

"Do we have this one?"

"Oh, yeah, I think we do."

Scott nodded.

" . . . I lost the plot. What's going on?" Scarlett asked, raising a hand like she was in school.

"We're watching _Snow Buddies_." Jamie explained.

"Fuck yes!" Matt and Pedro shouted.

"I thought I was in charge here." Richard muttered.

"Just because you're the adult doesn't mean you're in charge." Jamie grinned. "That's me and Scott."

"I thought it was Matt." Scarlett frowned.

"I let them take over. It's more fun anyway." Matt shrugged.

"We'll all be dead in two years." Scarlett sighed.

 **OOOOOO**

Renny: And I re-counted, turns out that there is actually ten. See this is why I failed Maths.

Matt: It looked wrong, you can't exactly blame that on your lack of Mathmatical skills.

Renny: Is that the longest word you know?

Matt: Supercalifragil-

Renny: Nope, we're not gonna do that. Looks like I don't actually need that extra bit then. If everyone wants though, I can still shove it in at the end of chapter five. Purely because I can, and if you all want me to.

Matt: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Renny: . . . That really _is_ the longest word on the planet. Read and review!


	4. 31-40

Renny: If anyone wants to know why Matt and Pedro don't know how babies are made, just ask me and I'll let you know- happily, since it won't be explained in this. Maybe some other fic . . . I dunno.

Matt: You were thinking _Brave New World_ , but you've already blown that, haven't you?

Renny: Yup. This fic's actually looking at being my only modern completed fic (modern as in not made when I couldn't write for shit). So there's gonna be a cause for celebration after the fifth chapter!

Matt: This should be interesting . . .

Renny: Fuck yourself. Disclaimer!

Matt: Renny doesn't own _Po5_.

Renny: On with the show!

 **OOOOOO**

31- Pedro needs to be encouraged to wear shoes or slippers, otherwise he'll walk around barefoot

"I am not used to wearing these things." Pedro said, dropping his slippers onto the kitchen table.

Richard quickly sweeped them off. "No footwear on the table. And that's why you have to wear them, so you can get used to them." he explained.

"Yes, and I used to wear old tyres instead of this footwear." Pedro said coldly. "I refuse to wear these. I like barefoot better."

"Pedro, please, you don't know what's been on the ground." Richard sighed. "You might walk through glass, or piss, or anything. You could get a disease!"

Pedro gave him a flat look.

" . . . And I just realised that's basically impossible, but you get my point." Richard corrected himself.

"No, I do not."

Richard buried his head in his hands.

32- Matt sometimes copies Pedro for shits and giggles, so force something on his feet

"Matt."

"Uh-huh?"

"Where are your shoes?"

"Somewhere."

"Put them on before we go out, Matt."

"Oh so Pedro's allowed to go commado and I'm not, how is _that_ fair?"

"Do you even know what going commando means?"

"Jamie said it was going barefoot."

"I'm gonna kill that kid one day."

33- Stop Scott and Jamie walking around without shirts

"Why do I have to deal with four boys who refuse to wear their clothes properly?" Richard wondered.

Jamie just grinned at him. Scott ignored him completely and wandered over to the sofa, sitting next to Scarlett, who had no reaction to him at all.

They were all used to it by now.

Didn't stop Richard from trying.

"Put your shirts on." he ordered.

"Nope." Scott and Jamie answered in unison.

34- Stop them from walking around without trousers too

"I thought you'd be wearing _My Little Pony_ undies, Jamie." Scarlett mused, as Richard choked on his beer.

"Nah, those aren't mine." Jamie shrugged.

"They're mine." Scott glared at her. "You got a problem with that?"

"I love _MLP_ , why would I have a problem with it?"

"You wanna binge-watch it sometime?"

"Hell yes."

Seriously. Why did Richard have to deal with these kids. He was so glad Scarlett wasn't following their example (and thank god Matt and Pedro only refused to wear shoes).

35- Also stop them from walking around totally naked

Matt shrieked and fell off his chair, Pedro froze up completely, Scarlett just stared, and Richard had had enough.

"Put some fucking clothes on, you two!" he shouted, standing up.

"It's hot!" Jamie complained.

" _That does not give you a reason to walk around naked_!"

"Yes it does." Scott said. "We thought it was too hot for clothes."

"Oh my god, will you please stop flashing us!?" Scarlett screamed, covering her and Pedro's eyes. She couldn't do the same for Matt, but he seemed to be smartly hiding under the table.

36- If any of them starts to chant 'Richard Richard Richard' over and over again, they probably want something

It was bad enough when it was one of them, but two or more at the same time (or close enough) and Richard knew they were conspiring against him.

And when it was all five of them, he knew he should probably start running for the nearest hospital. It might help if they knew in advance who he was.

37- Matt and Pedro sometimes ask for piggy back rides, so just say yes or they'll never shut up

"To the stables!" Pedro cried happily.

"You mean the kitchen?" Richard frowned.

" . . . I'm calling them stables for now, stay in character."

"What character, I'm a fucking horse . . ." Richard muttered.

How did he get roped into this? Oh yeah, Pedro wouldn't shut up. The things he did for these kids . . .

38- If you see Matt and Pedro riding Scott and Jamie like horses, don't question it

The first time, Richard had thought he'd been drunk off his ass. So he'd gotten Professor Chambers and had asked her to look as well, and when she said she could see the same thing, they'd both gone out and asked what the hell they were doing.

Jamie told him it was a horse race, and he and Scott- as the biggest- were pretending to be the horses. Obviously, Matt and Pedro were the jockeys. And were clearly enjoying it.

The fifth time, Richard had thought he'd been drunk again, and it was only when Lohan had confirmed it that, once again, Richard realised there was yet another 'race' going on.

Richard eventually learned not to ask why. It was just one of those things.

39- If you see Scarlett refereeing the 'race', ignore it and move on

And then Matt somehow convinced Scarlett to 'referee' their 'horse races'.

If Richard didn't already drink so much damn beer, he'd have gone mad ages ago.

40- If Scarlett starts trying to sabotage the 'race', stop what they're all doing

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Richard asked.

"Don't referee for the races when it's raining?" Scarlett suggested with a sheepish grin.

Richard folded his arms.

"Don't try and make Scott or Jamie slip when they've got Matt or Pedro on their backs." Scarlett corrected herself moodily.

"And what about the lightning?"

"Don't scare Pedro just so he'll lose."

"And the snow?"

"Same for Scott."

"Good. Now get rid of this damn rainstorm, I can barely see my own hand."

 **OOOOOO**

Renny: I know in the series Matt's actually nothing like this, and he probably _does_ know half the shit I've put him down as _not_ knowing, but I like having him as an innocent little shit who can 'blackmail' Richard into getting him more manga or whatever.

Matt: That's a slight contradiction in my character right there.

Renny: Yeah, I also like contradicting characters. Innocent kids who can manipulate people twice their age. Read and review!


	5. 41-50

Renny: Yeesh, I kind of killed this didn't I?

Matt: You think?

Renny: Are you taking pointers from Green in sarcasm?

Matt: Yep.

Renny: Fuuuck. Just do the disclaimer.

Matt: Renny doesn't own _Po5_.

Renny: On with the long-awaited show!

 **OOOOOO**

41- Scott sometimes needs to vent about stuff, so just sit there and listen because that's all he wants

"-and that prick just tells me to get lost, can you believe that?" Scott snapped. "I mean, I'm the damn customer, he should serve me and shut up- if I wanna buy _MLP_ shit, that's my business, he doesn't need to start saying I'm some sort of freak!"

"Clearly he's an idiot." Richard agreed.

"Exactly! And this old woman behind me starts saying I should grow up . . ."

42- If Matt starts screaming for no reason, there's probably a spider nearby

The first time Matt started screaming, Jamie had completely freaked out. He and Scott thought they were being attacked.

Imagine their shock when they ran into the living room of Professor Chambers' haceidna, only to find Pedro calmly sitting on one of the sofas, and Richard and Professor Chambers carefully scanning the floor.

Matt was curled on another sofa, so tense that Jamie and Scott thought he was a statue for half a second.

"There!" Richard called, and Jamie looked down at his feet to see a big spider scuttling across the floor.

"KILL IT!" Matt shrieked.

Jamie exchanged a glance with Scott, shrugged, and then stamped his foot on the spider.

43- If Pedro starts screaming for no reason, he's pranking everyone

"Stop screaming." Scarlett told him.

Pedro kept screaming.

"Seriously."

Pedro ignored her and kept screaming.

"Stop. There's no spider."

"Spider!?" Matt yelped.

"What did I just say?" Scarlett snapped.

Pedro continued to scream.

"Why do I have to deal with these kids?" Richard wondered. "I used to have a normal live once."

"When was that?" Scott asked him.

Richard sighed.

44- Whenever you play games like _Monopoly_ , break up any fights that look like they might end physically (or mentally, in Matt and the twin's cases)

"How do you keep winning!?" Jamie wailed.

"Because I'm good at this game." Pedro replied.

Jamie shouted something about never playing again and then suddenly got an evil look on his face.

"No." Richard said instantly.

"Aw, c'mon!" Jamie snapped.

45- Do not let Matt anywhere near the beer, or any of the alcohol for that matter

Stuff was floating everywhere, and the others were just watching in stunned silence.

Matt continued to giggle to himself.

They were _so_ dead when Richard got home.

46- Don't let any of them near it actually

" . . . What." Richard said.

"We're awesome!" Scarlett replied, and threw another massive gust of wind at the twins to keep them flying in the air.

"How did you lot- you know what, never-the-fuck-mind, just stop drinking my damn beer." Richard snapped.

"NEVER." Jamie and Scott shouted.

47- When you're in the store and Matt starts looking at the cigarette packets, leave as fast as possible, because he's already had problems in the past

"Right, we're leaving, now." Richard announced.

"What? Why?" Scarlett demanded, voicing everyone's opinion.

"Matt." Richard explained, and then pointed in the general direction of the Things-Which-Will-Not-Be-Named.

" . . . Oh." Scott said, and immediately went over to Matt and started dragging him out of the shop.

Everyone else followed, and the shopkeeper watched them, confused. Why were they leaving when they'd only just come in?

48- Pedro and Matt can't spell or read that well, so help them out as much as possible

"What does this say?" Pedro demanded, shoving the book into Richard's face.

He jerked back and grabbed the book before it could fall on his feet.

"Uh, what does what say?" Richard asked.

"That."

"Petrified."

"That?"

"Narcissistic."

"Thank you."

Pedro wandered off again.

Well. Okay then. At least it hadn't been anything crazy. Yet.

49- If Scott gets in trouble at school for fighting, listen to his reason(s) why because most of the time he's defending his friends and brother

"So, why did you beat up those boys?" Richard asked, folding his arms.

Scott muttered something, and the other Gatekeepers watched from the sidelines in tense and worried silence.

"What was that?" Richard leaned forward.

"I said they were insulting my brother!" Scott snapped. "And my friends!"

"What exactly did they say?"

"They called Jamie an arrogant tool, they said Pedro was a thieving bastard freak, they called Matt a retard and they said Scarlett was a whore!" Scott shouted.

Richard called the school later that day, and told them what had started the fight. The next day, all five of the boys who Scott had beaten up had been expelled.

50- Even if they're brats and come with a shit-ton of baggage, they're still family

Matt was a manga-loving weirdo who kind of couldn't read or spell properly.

Pedro used to be a thief and occasionally insulted everyone in Spanish for the fun of it.

Jamie and Scott were far too rash for his liking.

Scarlett's legendary temper would probably see her end one day.

But Richard loved them all, because that was what you did in a family- no matter what, you loved each other unconditionally. They had fights, and sometimes Richard had moments when he wished he'd never met these insane kids, but he loved them anyway.

Extra- what they think of each other

 _ **Matt**_

Richard: Best friend / big not-brother / killjoy / badass

Pedro: Best friend / twin not-brother

Jamie: Pranking buddy / asshole / big not-brother

Scott: Cooking god / asshole / horsie / pranking buddy / big not-brother

Scarlett: She-Hulk / big not-sister / badass

 _ **Richard**_

Matt: Best friend / little not-brother / annoying brat

Pedro: Little not-brother / thieving brat

Jamie: Little shit / too much goddamn sass

Scott: Cooking god / sometimes sane

Scarlett: Do not piss her off / second-in-command

 _ **Pedro**_

Matt: Best friend / twin not-brother

Richard: Guardian / badass

Jamie: Asshole / prankster

Scott: Cooking god / asshole / horsie

Scarlett: Do not make her angry / big not-sister

 _ **Jamie**_

Matt: Gullible / kind of adorable / pranking buddy / little not-brother

Richard: Killjoy / asshole / sometimes nice guy

Pedro: Gullible / little not-brother / possible pranking buddy

Scott: Cooking god / twin brother / badass / pranking buddy / best friend

Scarlett: Best victim for pranks / piss her off as much as possible

 _ **Scott**_

Matt: Gullible / cute / little not-brother

Richard: Killjoy / asshole / badass

Pedro: Gullible / little not-brother / sort-of badass

Jamie: Twin brother / badass / best friend

Scarlett: Stop pissing her off / kidding don't stop / badass

 _ **Scarlett**_

Matt: Too adorable for words / little not-brother

Richard: Only sane man / badass

Pedro: Adorable / little not-brother

Jamie: Asshole / prankster / I'll kill you one day

Scott: Cooking god / asshole / sometimes sane

 **OOOOOO**

Renny: There we go! _Richard's Guide to the Gatekeepers_ is now officially the _second_ completeled fic after _Omega_!

Matt: And after several months of basically ignoring it, as well.

Renny: Seriously, stop taking tips from Green. Read and review!


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